Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
