You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
