the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
