Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
