i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I think i got beer on your cat.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
