when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Is it because I queefed?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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