DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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