Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
