I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize