The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize