You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
