Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
