It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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