my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
