I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
