SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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