There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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