im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
