Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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