Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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