I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
