I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
