Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
