My sheets look like a crime scene.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
