I'm really into asian looking animals
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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