It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I wish i was in the wii world.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
