Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
