What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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