three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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