she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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