why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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