Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
