bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
