just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
