he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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