I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
