Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
