If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
