My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
