I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
