There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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