i was born a porn star she said
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I am mentally ready for anal.
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