OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
