If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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