honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
