Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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