i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
