i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
