Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize