i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
