You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
