she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it