The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.