Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.