someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
