I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
