i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
