if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Randomize
