you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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