So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
