bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
