Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
