that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm sobbing to NWA
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
