i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
