Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
