I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
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Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
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Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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