Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
