My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
