god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
