***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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