i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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