I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
