PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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