Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
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