He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
