Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
