You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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