today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize