He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
