Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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