i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
