Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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