Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
