life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
