I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
