Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
