Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
