You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
