I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
