Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Someone came in the potted fern
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
