KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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