im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
