Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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