here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
