Texts From Last Night

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  (323): View more from California

  rhymes with "ouble enetration"

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  (323): rhymes with "ouble enetration" http://tfl.nu/bg50
  Replies (33) Good night (4040) Bad night (763)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.

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  (614): if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle? (1-614): i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you. http://tfl.nu/6cnp
  Replies (34) Good night (627) Bad night (3909)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.

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  (515): I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy. http://tfl.nu/r54x
  Replies (8) Good night (813) Bad night (5811)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?

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  (713): she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful? http://tfl.nu/75hl
  Replies (123) Good night (47779) Bad night (2057)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?

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  (773): At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer? http://tfl.nu/g4aq
  Replies (34) Good night (1869) Bad night (6042)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  We are two peas in an std pod

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  (630): We are two peas in an std pod http://tfl.nu/62ho
  Replies (12) Good night (970) Bad night (5650)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...

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  (414): i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall... http://tfl.nu/m552
  Replies (3) Good night (3314) Bad night (925)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."

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  (717): She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen." http://tfl.nu/c7q3
  Replies (32) Good night (9545) Bad night (1020)
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  (619): View more from California

  I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.

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  (619): I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca. http://tfl.nu/7xxl
  Replies (10) Good night (1978) Bad night (1377)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  You went home with a man in a loincloth

  (914): View more from New York

  I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???

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  (952): You went home with a man in a loincloth (914): I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween??? http://tfl.nu/0bv2
  Replies (2) Good night (1336) Bad night (415)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.

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  (303): It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple. http://tfl.nu/6uwz
  Replies (1) Good night (548) Bad night (322)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime

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  (302): I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime http://tfl.nu/7bjc
  Replies (11) Good night (424) Bad night (809)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower

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  (610): If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower http://tfl.nu/d9ft
  Replies (0) Good night (435) Bad night (286)
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  (518): View more from New York

  just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.

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  (518): just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back. http://tfl.nu/zfok
  Replies (6) Good night (383) Bad night (712)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night

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  (919): Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night http://tfl.nu/q3u2
  Replies (4) Good night (503) Bad night (402)

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