you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
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Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
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Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready