i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
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i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
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She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.