lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!