Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.