I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
