# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Girls should come with a carfax report
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
